Bloody Hell. 

That was a bit much. Never in the field of human endeavour has anybody had to wade through so many yards of sickly verse or to endure such clatterings of fluffy cattery. If the point of LAPCPADPOUB day was, indeed, to swamp the world wide web with slush then HappyMouffetard is to be congratulated as her plan has succeeded completely. She is obviously not a person who should allowed anywhere near an invasion force lest the surrounding counties find themselves under her control.

There were contributions from Australia to Alaska and from Wales to Wyoming each one more cloying than the last. I now have to select three worthy winners whose days I can then ruin by sending them copies of my book. I have c0 opted a fellow judge who, like me, has emerged quaking and blanched from the selection experience. We have tried to spread the awards around a bit but it was a fiercely difficult choice. 

The winners, in no particular order, are as follows. Each fortunate person will receive a shiny new copy of 101 Bold and Brilliant Flowers – as reviewed by the divine Kate at Manic Gardener. 

People who I know already own the book have been excluded but deserve an honourable mention include: Karen at Artists Garden for excellent comic work, VP for general enthusiasm and, of course, La Mouffe herself without which all this dreadfulness would never have happened.

First the continental Europe award: way the most repulsive entry was Yolanda Elizabet from Bliss in the Netherlands. Never have so many fuzzy eared, ickle wickle kitty witties been assembled in one place – except perhaps during the initial casting for Disney’s The Aristocats. She lost some points for her blatant abuse of the chief judge and her poetry was a bit lame but the pictures swept all before them. I salute the undisputed Empress of European Cat Nutterdom. (I was not at all influenced by the blatant threat issued by Rose in her comment on Yolanda’s entry).

Frances at Faerie Garden had strong poetry but her cats were not quite cutesey pootsey enough. Nancy Bond has the scariest cat: though beautiful, I fear he might drink the blood of virgins. But she sadly allowed herself to distracted by cooking when it came to the poetry and could only produce an unoriginal (though soupy) offering . Therefore, the American continent’s award goes to a dark horse whose contribution came in a bit late. A slightly sinister cat teamed with a fabulous poem: congratulations Kate at Gardening Without Skills

Finally Britain: for downright straight talking, give it to me as it really is poetry I have to award a prize to Procrastinators Progress. It is undoubtedly crude but heartfelt.

I would also like to draw attention to Juliet who created a blog just so that she could participate: cat nutterdom knows no greater sacrifice.

The judges special extra prize is awarded to R.Pete Free for assonance and not including a cat at all: hers is an example that should be followed if ever this event is allowed to re-occur.

However, I feel perhaps that it should remain as a one off and if it levers itself off the sofa again then a swift visit to the vet would be the best solution. Next time I get asked to write a frivolous little snippet I will stick to non-controversial subjects like nuclear power or religion.

I am off to New York tomorrow for a few days to recover from all this but if the lucky winners would like to email me with their postal addresses then I will do the necessary on my return. There is a convenient “email me” button on the home page of this blog. 

I have got a double this Saturday with gardens featured in both the Times Magazine and the Daily Telegraph. I presume that they will turn up online somehow. Next stop the world…Heh, Heh,Heh. 

I am listening to Baby Come Back by the Equals. The picture is of a Virginia Creeper.

This time last year I published Anne Wareham on Beauty. The year before I was in Alton with Alan Titchmarsh. 

How are the mighty fallen: from Titchmarsh to cats in a paltry two years.